We have often heard that happiness is not something that you can seek. Instead, it is created. Unfortunately, everyone just tells you to create happiness, but no one tells you how to do it. This leaves you confused, just like a child who wants to be a footballer but has yet to decide which path he should take to reach his goals.
According to research, 45% of individuals haven’t felt true happiness for more than two years, while 25% stated that they even forgot what happiness actually means.
Today, we won’t be talking about things that you have already been told, like worry less, stay away from negative thoughts, go have fun, etc. All these things definitely help you and provide you with temporary feelings of relief, but they are not permanent solutions. So what the solution actually is?
Before getting to the solution, let’s first discuss the problem, i.e., what’s the reason behind your melancholy.
Why am I Not Happy?
Let’s discuss a few things that will help you understand and figure out why you haven’t had a good laugh or even a genuine smile in so long.
Comparison: Accept it or not, even while reading this blog, you are not fully involved. Instead, you might be thinking about how your friends are achieving so many things in life and haven’t done anything worth appreciating, or why can’t I be as beautiful or fit as my favorite influencer. However, I don’t blame you; while we are awake, our brains tend to wander 47% of the time.
Constant comparison with others leaves you with a feeling of worthlessness and might be the primary cause of your inability to feel happiness anymore.
Overthinking: Let’s perform an exercise: hold your breath for 20 seconds, challenging but doable. Now, hold it for 20 seconds while dancing. It’s far more complicated, right? This is the perfect visual representation of overthinking. We tend to overcomplicate things that are much more straightforward.
For example, you were confronted by police for overspeeding. However, you provided them with the required explanation, and they were convinced and did not give you a ticket. That’s the end of the scenario, right? Not if you are an overthinker? You will now think about the various outcomes of that situation and how you could have ended up in jail.
Not being expressive: What was the last time you had a genuine conversation with your friends or family without being under the influence of alcohol? Hard to remember. Not being expressive leads to cluttering thoughts in your mind; one day, they might explode out in the form of emotional breakdown or rage . These piled-up thoughts may also affect your relations and have the capacity to worsen any bad situation.
One leg in the past, one in future: Not living in the present moment is another reason why you just roam around with an artificial smile. It’s natural to be a little worried about your future sometimes, but the problem arises when you do it all the time. The same goes for scenarios that occurred in your past. Worrying about things that have already occurred is like trying to push a wall. You might get tired after a while, but the wall won’t move even by an inch.
Let’s understand this with another example: You recently won a lottery, what will be your reaction? You will be happy for a little moment but will spend the rest of the day thinking about how you are going to spend it. A fear of losing all that money will also constantly cross your thoughts, leading to anxiety issues.
Focusing more or negative than positive: Think about the last time your work was reviewed by your boss. Obviously, you must have received a lot of praise, but he/she must have also pointed out a few things you can work on. When you left his/her cabin, what were you thinking about? Allow me to tell you it was those few negative remarks. This happens because an adverse effect of a setback is twice as impactful as a positive effect of a success because, as humans, we tend to chase perfectionism.
How Can I Create Happiness?
Just like exercise and a healthy diet help you to get in better shape, constantly working on your mental fitness will help you to transform into a much more cheerful person.
But for physical health, we know what we need to do. We will add that green smoothie to our diet, will go to the gym, and will automatically get into better shape. However, regarding mental health, most of us are directionless and do not even know where to start.
So, now that we know the problem let’s get to the solutions:
Stop that comparison: One of the biggest reasons why we tend to compare ourselves to others is this modern era of social media. Sorry to break it to you, but your favorite influencer “did not wake up like this,” or the guy whose physique you admire has not achieved it naturally. Most of the things you watch on social media are nothing but an online presence. As per a report by HypeAuditor found that 49% of all Instagram influencers worldwide had used fake followers at some point. In reality, the people you think are living their best lives might even struggle to build a sustainable income.
Therefore, stop admiring and start aspiring. Set short-term goals and feel the satisfaction once you achieve them. Also, try to stay away from social media as much as possible. If possible, go for a social detox. Try to socialize in real life instead of online, which helps you build stronger and healthier bonds.
Don’t overthink, take action instead: Ok, what’s more effective, thinking and worrying about a situation and going into depression or working on that problem and taking knowledgeable actions to solve it? We all know the answer, but we still tend to overthink a situation instead of acting to get out of it. For example, what should be your first step if you want to get in better shape? Worrying about your weight and complaining about your diet or getting a gym membership? The same goes for any situation in life. Start taking action, get in touch with people who you think can guide you, and if you fail at certain steps, analyze the mistake so that you don’t repeat it in the future.
Remember, one common trait you’ll find in every successful man on Earth is they are action takers.
Be more expressive: You can start it right away, take your cell phone out, and send a message of appreciation to someone close to your heart. Being more expressive not only helps you build stronger bonds but also helps you to get practical solutions to the problems you’re facing. As an introvert, it might be hard for you to express things easily, but trust it gets easier with time.
If you want to share something with your friend, go for it. If you are not paid enough, express it to your HR. No matter the situation, being more expressive can help you mold things to your liking.
Live in the present: While you are out with friends or having a gourmet dinner with your partner, try not to think about the debt you have to pay or the problems you face at work. Living in the present helps you enjoy and appreciate life’s little things.
When you sit to solve an issue your client pointed out, try to get fully involved in solving it and not think about anything that might distract you.
Same goes when you are playing catch with your kids and enjoy it instead of thinking that they’ll soon grow up and leave your home. Just living in the present will help you be 50% more cheerful than you are at present.
Be Positive: When you receive a compliment say thank you and move on. You don’t need to think that the complement the other person gave you was out of pity. Or when your boss appreciates you for your work, think about it as an achievement. And if your boss doesn’t, you may reward yourself with a scoop of ice cream or nice dinner.
Even when you receive negative comments for your work or literally anything, try to work on improving it and not repeating it in future. Think as if it is an opportunity for improvement.
Wrapping It Up!
Happiness is just like a skill; with practice and consistency, you’ll be able to achieve it over time. It’s not something you can gain by going out and hunting for it; instead, try to create your own, as everyone’s definition of happiness is different. While some find happiness in luxury, some may be able to create it by starting a family and getting settled down.
So, as we said, don’t be a seeker, be a creator of happiness. We can guide you, but taking action is in your very own hands.